Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
