it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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