Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
