Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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