New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
