So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
