I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
