i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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