literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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