I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
