ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
