Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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