airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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