i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
