Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
