Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
