I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
