It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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