So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
