I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
