someone threw a dead crab at me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
