I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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