I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
