I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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