I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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