This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
