New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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