The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
