I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
