Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
