Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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