Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
