i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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