If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
