I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
