She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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