Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
