So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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