if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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