Yo dont text me then not text me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
