I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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