I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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