dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
