worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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