omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
