so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
