he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
