Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
