hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
