return my video game
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
